


Tis The Season

by TheChichiSlaughterHouse



Category: One Piece
Genre: Christmas, Fluff, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-19
Updated: 2019-12-19
Packaged: 2021-02-26 00:35:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,647
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21864592
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheChichiSlaughterHouse/pseuds/TheChichiSlaughterHouse
Summary: Nami calls the crew to the deck because she has a surprise for them. Sanji's intrigued but why did she announce it over the speakers? ZoroxSanji
Relationships: Roronoa Zoro/Vinsmoke Sanji
Comments: 12
Kudos: 138





	Tis The Season

**Author's Note:**

> Tis The Season
> 
> By The Chichi Slaughter House
> 
> Warnings: ZoroxSanji, Christmas, silly bullshit.
> 
> Disclaimer: One Piece belongs to Eiichiro Oda.
> 
> Rating: PG?
> 
> The idea for this came to mind mid-October when I was trying to motivate myself to write a Halloween fic. As you can tell I obviously failed at doing that… Maybe next year? Who knows?
> 
> Anyway, even I sometimes can think of things that are purely cute. Consider this a Christmas present for putting up with my bizarre shit since April, haha. That’s kinda what this whole month has been, I guess – “thank you for dealing with my shit, here’s some normal crap”, pff. Though I very much dislike Christmas, I couldn’t help myself when I got this idea in my head. Hopefully it’ll bring you a smile or a laugh. Happy Holidays, everyone~
> 
> [Twitter](http://twitter.com/slaughterchichi) | [Tumblr](http://slaughterchichi.tumblr.com) | [Pillowfort](https://www.pillowfort.social/slaughterchichi) | [Curiouscat](https://curiouscat.me/slaughterchichi)

“Everyone, I’ve got a surprise for you! Come onto the deck in ten minutes!”

Sanji took a few moments to wrap his head around what he’d just heard. It was his beloved Nami’s voice but it had come from the speakers in the training room. Odd since she never really used that room for anything; preferring to do her own form of training on the deck where there was plenty of space to move around, where she could have access to the elements themselves. For her to be up there in the first place meant something was weird, the fact that she had a surprise for them all even more confusing.

Well, it couldn’t be a bad thing. Anything Nami wanted to show them had to be good, right?

Sanji finished up what he was doing in the galley and made his way outside. What he saw made him freeze in his tracks, a grin coming to his face as he tried to hold back a laugh.

Oh boy, this was too funny.

Sitting on the bench in front of one of the masts was a man dressed as Santa Claus. A Santa with sunglasses and green hair poking out from underneath his hat.

One with a scar covering one of his eyes, barely hidden at all by the shades. One whose face was almost as red as his clothing, with gritted teeth.

Covering his mouth with his hand to stop the laughter escaping him, Sanji strolled over, taking in the sight before him as intently as possible. It didn’t take a genius to figure out immediately who this was, though how the damned swordsman had ended up roped into this was a little more difficult to discern.

The older crewmembers were here already, standing around him in a half-circle. Likely doing their best to hold back their own giggles, enjoying Zoro’s humiliation. Sanji snuck a glance at Robin as he got closer, amused immensely by the sight of her own hand pressed to her lips. Their eyes met for a moment but neither broke down; just sharing a look that was equally knowing.

Sanji wanted to ask what the hell was going on but it was somewhat obvious.

It was December, the month of Christmas. Chopper’s birthday, too. The little reindeer hadn’t had the opportunity to share this with them before, not since they’d all been split up for two years. It was their first time being able to share this as a group and clearly Nami had thought this idea was brilliant.

In many ways it was, though Sanji wasn’t quite sure it was going to work out as seamlessly as she thought. Chopper wasn’t stupid and Zoro was so obvious that the cook didn’t think anyone would be fooled—

“Woah, it’s Santa!!” Luffy arrived on the scene with Usopp and Chopper in tow, all three of them with wide grins on their faces as they stared at Zoro sitting on the bench. Usopp had tears at the edges of his eyes but the other two seemed to genuinely believe it, making Sanji almost lose his composure from surprise. He wasn’t sure what he expected from Luffy but Chopper falling for it was kind of adorable: Sanji didn’t want this to be ruined.

Flinging his arm over Usopp’s shoulder, he yanked the sharpshooter to the side, holding up his hand to shield his voice as he stared at him intensely.

“Don’t you dare say a word. This is going to be interesting.”

Usopp clapped his hands over his mouth, both joy and nerves in his eyes as he nodded enthusiastically. Sanji wasn’t entirely sure he could trust him not to give it away, turning back to the spectacle without removing his arm. Usopp made no move to escape from his grip, either sensing that he wasn’t going to be let go of so easily or not wanting to spoil anything himself. Either way was fine.

Now that they were all here, Nami broke out into a wide smile.

“Santa’s travelled a long way just to come and see us!” She explained, looking exclusively at Chopper and Luffy. Probably doing her best not to catch anyone else’s eye in case she broke down into laughter herself, though Sanji suspected at this point from the flushed look on her face that she’d already had her entertainment at Zoro’s expense. “He’s come to ask us what we want for Christmas, isn’t that right Santa?”

Zoro stiffened in place, uncomfortably adjusting his beard with one hand. It looked an awful lot like the one Luffy had worn at Dressrosa, though Sanji was fairly sure that one had been destroyed or left behind in the fight with Doflamingo. It had either come with the costume itself or they kept a stockpile of beards somewhere aboard the ship – Sanji wouldn’t have been particularly surprised by either explanation; they did keep an awful lot of weird things, after all.

“…Yeah.” Though it was pointless, Zoro was making an effort to deepen his voice more than usual. Not that it would have mattered; Luffy couldn’t tell when someone’s voice matched or not and Chopper seemed so entranced that it was likely he wouldn’t have noticed either. With the sunglasses on, Sanji couldn’t tell where the swordsman was looking, though he figured he wasn’t looking at anyone in particular.

Nami cast a scowl in Zoro’s direction before turning back to them, all smiles as she gestured at him.

“Chopper, you want to go first? Sit on Santa’s knee and tell him what you want this year?”

Chopper’s eyes lit up as he scurried over, grabbing onto the leg of Zoro’s trousers as he tried to get up. The swordsman smiled and reached down to pick him up, plopping him on his leg and resting his hand on his back for support. Sanji smiled at the sight of it; despite his hard exterior, Zoro was always good with kids, especially Chopper.

Now that Chopper was on his lap, the swordsman seemed to push past his embarrassment and get into the role, asking him what he wanted and listening intently while Chopper excitedly told him. To Sanji’s amusement, Zoro was deepening his voice much like Usopp had when he was Sogeking. Sanji idly wondered how this sort of thing worked on the doctor, what with his heightened sense of smell but had to just shrug it off as his youth and excitement getting the better of him. Nami stood to the side with a pen and paper, making notes while slightly hiding behind Robin so no one else could see.

When Chopper had finished, Zoro was just nodding and glancing over to Nami, clearly not certain of how much to agree to. If he said yes to all of it and she couldn’t get it, then this whole thing would have felt like it was for naught.

Luckily, no one had time to do anything after that; Luffy getting impatient and demanding for it to be his turn. Zoro looked out of his depth all over again when Luffy jumped onto his lap, uncomfortably nodding along with everything the Captain was saying. Unlike with Chopper though, Luffy wasn’t really asking for things to be given; far more focused on talking about food. Sanji realised he probably should be the one making notes here, his gaze meeting Zoro’s for a moment when Luffy had finished.

“I’ll see what I can do, but that’s up to your chef, isn’t it?”

Luffy’s attention now turned onto Sanji as he leapt off Zoro’s lap and grabbed onto Sanji’s shirt, begging in his whining hungry tone for him to absolutely make what he wanted. Sanji rolled his eyes and nudged Luffy away with his elbow.

“Yeah, yeah. We’ll see what ingredients Santa can bring me.”

Now that the youngest two had been sated, Zoro looked like he wanted to run away. Unfortunately for him, the older members of the crew weren’t going to let this opportunity pass by without embarrassing him further. First it was Brook, who jumped onto him and held around his neck while gushing about panties and then it was Franky, who made Zoro grunt as he flung himself over and talked about ship building materials and fancy colas. After that, Usopp decided to allow himself some fun as well, teasing Zoro though he was clearly a bit nervous about it.

Robin and Nami took turns as well, sitting on him like he had no choice in the matter and ignoring his increasing frustration without even batting an eyelid. Sanji had to fight down his feeling of jealousy while they played along, not wanting to give it away now that it was this far. Of course, Zoro had no interest in the whole thing and he knew that, though he couldn’t help scrutinising where his hands were anyway. But just like with the others, Zoro barely touched them at all; just the hand on their back for support, which Sanji noticed was a little higher up on the women than it had been with everyone else. Enough to support them but right in the middle of their backs where there were absolutely no sexual intentions.

Nami was taking her time driving Zoro insane, asking him for all sorts of ridiculous and expensive gifts while he looked more and more annoyed with her. It was no secret to the rest of the crew how little money he actually had, but Nami seemed to be ignoring that. Though she’d made notes for everyone else she wasn’t making any for herself and from her tone it was like she was genuinely expecting Zoro to get her some of this stuff. Sanji smiled to himself as he made a mental list of a few of them, hoping to surprise her with something of his own.

It was at this point that Chopper seemed to notice something was off, looking around at everyone and asking the one question they probably didn’t want him to:

“Where’s Zoro? Doesn’t he want to see Santa?”

Still on Zoro’s lap, Nami turned to him immediately, apparently having an answer prepared just in case. It was just like her to be ready for anything.

“No, he’s a bad boy.” Nami said coolly, meeting Zoro’s gaze for a moment. “Not only does he default on his debts but he doesn’t believe in anything. He doesn’t deserve a present.”

Zoro scowled from behind her, though it was hard to tell with the huge beard covering his face. Sanji recognised that look only because he was more than used to it by now – knowing the exact way his forehead would burrow like that from having it directed at him so many times. As Nami got off Zoro’s lap, she looked at Sanji expectantly.

“Go ahead, Sanji-kun. You’re the last one.”

Sanji felt his face go red at the idea of sitting on Zoro’s lap. At the thought of doing so in front of everyone else, while they stared intently. The idea of winding him up was too good to pass up, but he couldn’t help the rush of embarrassment he was feeling. In some ways it would have been less awkward to sit on anyone else, though he was more than used to being intimate with Zoro by now. A secret between them that they were careful to keep to themselves no matter what.

Of course, if he decided not to do it then he’d draw attention to it and likely regret missing out later, so Sanji felt like he had no choice.

He swallowed his feelings and sauntered over much like usual, trying to sit down without any excessive touching. As he looked at Zoro’s face, he could see his eye through the shades, fighting down the red in his face at how excited Zoro seemed all of a sudden. Like his embarrassment had disappeared in the face of Sanji’s, much to the cook’s disappointment. Now it felt like the tables had turned; the situation seeming to be for the purpose of humiliating him instead.

Before he could say anything, Zoro moved to support his back, seemingly playing along like he had been with everyone else but this was different.

Zoro’s hand was much lower on his body than it had been on anyone else’s; resting against his lower back and almost touching his butt. Sanji shot him a sideways glance in annoyance, almost tempted to kick him in the face for it but unable to with everyone else around them. He could tell the swordsman was feigning ignorance, Sanji getting flustered by everything that was going on. Surely the others would notice the change? Maybe they’d suspect something, figure out what had been happening between them from this alone. Sanji wasn’t sure he could deal with that, was about to just jump up and laugh about it when Zoro spoke:

“What do you want for Christmas, young man?”

Ignoring the ridiculousness of being called ‘young man’ by Zoro when he was only four months older – something Sanji found annoying, as with their slight difference in height – the tone of the swordsman’s voice had gone even lower. Sanji shuddered slightly at the sound of it, knowing for damn sure that it wasn’t just part of the facade. The damn idiot managed to get excited at the worst times…

“...There’s not much I need.” Sanji muttered, more to himself than anyone else. As things were right now, he was actually pretty happy... even if Zoro was being a pervert. All of his kitchen equipment was in good order, he had more clothes than perhaps he should and enough cigarettes to last him for quite a while. What could he even ask for?

Zoro was eyeing him closely, having caught the comment but clearly not satisfied by it. The others wouldn’t be happy with something like that either, if they’d even heard it. He had to ask for something, though the question was... what?

“Hey, ‘Santa’, do you think you could do something about that shitty swordsman of ours? He’s a grumpy bastard and could do with better manners.” Sanji knew he was making things difficult right then and there but he couldn’t help himself from asking, a smirk on his face.

“Even Santa’s not that good of a miracle worker!” Nami cut in, starting to laugh. Zoro’s face flushed red in annoyance as Sanji looked back over to Nami.

“Ah, yeah. You’re right, Nami-swan. He wouldn’t listen to Santa anyway.” Thinking of something on the spot, Sanji shifted to push himself up onto his own feet. “Guess a nice bottle of wine would be good.”

Zoro’s grip on his back tightened for only a moment before the swordsman let go, clearly unable to say what he wanted to in the present company. Chances were that they were going to end up arguing over this later, when he could get angry about it without blowing his cover. Sanji was fine with that, enjoyed the satisfaction of pissing him off when he couldn’t do anything about it.

Now that everyone had taken a turn, it looked like it was over. 

Sanji watched as Zoro stood up, looking around for an exit whilst the others were still watching him. How was he going to play off this one? It wasn’t like the swordsman could fly off. Sanji put his hand on his chin in amusement. If he’d been selected to be Santa then he could easily have done that, plus he’d have had the added bonus of Nami and Robin sitting on his lap… That said, he’d also have had to deal with all the men sitting on him too and he wasn’t sure if that was a good trade off. For one thing, Franky almost certainly weighed a ton.

Seemingly giving up on a good exit, Zoro made his way to the side of the ship and waved his hand at them uncomfortably. Sanji paused to wonder what he was doing before being startled as the swordsman flung himself overboard into the ocean.

The others started talking amongst themselves, trying to distract Luffy and Chopper from going over to investigate. Sanji however, wandered over to look down at the ocean, seeing the beard floating by itself on the water. Typical Zoro, leaving something behind that would give him away. Before Sanji could shake his head, he spotted it get yanked out of the water.

Alright, maybe he wasn’t so hopeless after all.

As Sanji turned back to the others, he realised that what Nami had said was bothering him. From the amount of notes she’d been taking, he was sure that it wasn’t just Chopper who was going to get something this year. Likely she was going to collect things for everyone, give them all something if only to keep up this ruse of hers. But did that mean Zoro was going to get nothing, like she’d implied? Something about that didn’t sit right with him. He’d have to wait to see if his hunch was correct but at least Christmas wasn’t that far away…

\--

Christmas actually came around a lot faster than Sanji had been expecting it to.

They’d been very busy in their travels, both with helping Nami slyly do her shopping and dealing with marines and other pirates on their way. It was a little ridiculous how often they got themselves into trouble; having ended up liberating yet another country from its abusive regime as they’d passed through. Of course Luffy had caused it by being in the wrong – or was it right? – place at the wrong time, had befriended a local and been unable to stop himself from using his fists to fix their issues.

And, inevitably, they’d all been drawn into it once again: fighting strong enemies that honestly had no business even trying against them at this point. It was bizarre how their reputation proceeded them yet the bad people never learned to just give up. After all they’d done this far, Sanji felt that if he was doing things like this and heard the Strawhat pirates were in town he’d just surrender and save himself the stress. It never ended well for people like that when they were around, after all.

But that was last week, and now that everyone in the village was safe and happy, ready to enjoy a peaceful Christmas they had left without any worries as well as many gifts in repayment. Business as usual, even down to the details of who had ended up injured and who had come out with minor scrapes.

As expected, Zoro had ended up with the most damage and many bandages whilst getting told off by Chopper, though the swordsman never listened to him about being more careful. Ever stubborn about pushing himself even while hurt, training though he wasn’t really in any shape to do so. Still in the stages of recovery whilst everyone else was back to being fit as a fiddle, doing heavy lifting and prep work despite being told otherwise. Idiot that he was.

In the middle of the ship there was now a gigantic tree, brought over by Zoro and decorated by Robin with her many hands. Nami had insisted on it and had specifically made Zoro go get one, accompanied by Usopp and Franky so he wouldn’t get lost bringing it back. Though they were also supposed to help him carry it, Zoro had been unwilling to let them try and had ended up coughing blood when he’d put it down on deck.

Now he was relegated to the sick bay, with Sanji supposedly in charge of keeping him in there and forcing him to rest. But the cook had other things he needed to do and wasn’t paying all that much attention, distracted by his own duties though he’d have liked to sit on him and force him to stay still.

As it was, Sanji had spent most of the morning in the galley preparing the luxurious feast that Luffy had demanded from ‘Santa’. Occasionally pausing to peep in the room and see if Zoro was there but not all that often since there was just so much else he had to stay on top of.

Besides, it wasn’t like Zoro would have obediently rested even if he’d kept his eyes on him every minute of the day anyway. It’d have ended up in arguments or fights regardless. That or something else that would have caused him physical exertion, mainly due to the fact he couldn’t seem to keep his damn hands to himself when they were alone together.

Sanji didn’t necessarily hate that but thought it better to leave him be. Maybe he’d get bored and just sleep like he was supposed to.

When the food was ready, Sanji took it out onto the deck so they could eat under the lights of the Christmas tree. It’d be more festive like this, allow everyone to sit in peace and enjoy the atmosphere more. Plus it’d mean the dining room would stay semi-clean for once, unburdened by the loud and messy eating that usually echoed throughout it.

As Sanji pushed the large cart outside, he spied everyone hanging around the tree, already in Christmas jumpers and excitable. Luffy’s head twisted around and his eyes gleamed at the smell of the food, Sanji having to pause to kick away one of his overeager hands on his way.

“Oi, no!”

Luffy sulked as Sanji kept him at bay, everyone else sitting down so they could get their hands on the food before he did. When things were like this it was best to grab your share first, just so you could guarantee you’d get some. Luffy piled his plates very high and grabbed for seconds so quickly that if you hesitated you’d end up with not much at all. Sanji had thought of that though and had some still stashed away in the kitchen, kept in the oven so it would stay hot.

The moment that everyone’s plates were full, Sanji stood to the side and let Luffy free on the meal. As he dived in and grabbed everything in sight, the cook looked around to find Zoro nowhere in sight. Perhaps he was still in the sick bay, behaving himself for once? Sanji doubted that but decided to go and check in on him anyway.

“Alright, I’ll be back in a minute. Does anyone want anything?” Sanji asked as he looked over his crew, seeing blissful expressions and the shaking of their heads. He smiled as he waved at them, stalking back towards the galley quietly.

When he reached the infirmary, Sanji only opened the door a crack. Just enough to see if Zoro was still inside, not sure if he should bother waking him if he had actually fallen asleep. There was more than enough in the oven for both of them, even if someone wanted extras.

As he’d suspected though, the infirmary bed was empty. Barely even used from the look of it, Zoro having been lying on top of it the few times Sanji had checked in.

“Tch.” Sanji clicked his tongue in annoyance as he shut the door, reaching a hand to his chin.

Zoro definitely hadn’t been on deck with the others. That meant there were really only two places he could be now: the men’s quarters or the training room. He knew better by now than to expect Zoro to be in bed – the damned bastard had to be training again. Sanji shook his head as he looked over to the kitchen.

Would it be better to bring him some food up there now or leave it until later? He couldn’t deny that it’d be fun to tease him by saying it had all been eaten without him, blame him for being unsociable and pissing off to train instead of spending the day relaxing with everyone. Of course, Zoro would never believe him if he said that; knowing Sanji far too well by now to think he would let him go hungry. Though he’d been tempted on multiple occasions, it just wasn’t in him to do something like that, no matter how much someone had pissed him off.

Shrugging to himself, Sanji decided to deal with it later. He didn’t want to miss out on spending time with everyone right now and certainly not over having to babysit the swordsman. As soon as they’d finished eating he knew everyone was going to open their presents and he wanted to be there to see their expressions. Zoro could wait; he’d brought this on himself anyway.

When Sanji got back to the deck, most of the food had already been eaten. Luffy was lying on his back with a swollen stomach, the jumper stretched across his skin but no longer covering most of him. The Captain sighed in content as he patted his tummy, flashing Sanji a bright smile as usual.

“Alright, who wants presents?” Nami shouted, jumping to her feet in clear excitement. Underneath the tree was a massive pile of brightly coloured packages, wrapped neatly and with a few bows here and there.

As Nami started gathering them up, Sanji noticed her putting them in specific bundles; the ones with bows separate from the ones without. On top of that they seemed to be co-ordinated into different colour schemes, the cook figuring out pretty quickly which ones were meant for which crewmember.

Chopper’s gifts all had some form of pink on them; whether it was with a bow or part of the wrapping paper. Luffy’s were red, Franky’s were pale blue, Brook’s all had black on them. Usopp had yellow and for Nami and Robin they were orange and purple respectively. Sanji looked at the pile with the darker blue on it, knowing innately that they must be for him. What bothered him is that he wasn’t seeing anything marked with green, despite the separated piles looking rather large by now.

Deep down Sanji knew he should have expected this: Nami was harsh on Zoro at the best of times, had probably told him that she’d just deduct the cost of his gifts from the debt he owned her. Showing kindness in her own way, though it felt a little mean-spirited. He had played along with her for this after all; not only being Santa for her amusement but carrying all the bags each time she’d gone shopping. When you added the matter of the tree to that, Zoro had surprisingly been a good sport though it didn’t seem like he was getting anything for his troubles.

Sanji didn’t like that.

Nami gestured to the gifts and explained that the ones with bows had been brought by Santa last night while Luffy and Chopper were asleep. For once their Captain had been eager to go to bed and had done so at the same time as the doctor, leaving the rest of them free to make the preparations for the coming day in peace. Now that Sanji thought about it, he remembered Nami forcing Zoro to go with her whilst he himself had gone into the galley.

Picking up one of his presents with a bow, Sanji noticed it was clumsily wrapped. There were tears here and there in the paper that had been ‘fixed’ with Sellotape, clearly done by someone who was a bit rougher with it than they should have been. As he glanced to his other presents, he noticed that the ones without bows – from Nami herself – didn’t have any imperfections at all.

A smile came to Sanji’s lips as he realised that Zoro must have wrapped these ones; picturing his grumpy expression as he hastily tried to do it and got frustrated by the fragility of the paper. Honestly the bastard was as bad at this as he was at unwrapping things; the cook thinking about the numerous times he’d had to resew the buttons back onto his shirts and trousers when Zoro had ripped them off him. Always too eager to get to what was underneath, yanking when he should have been more careful.

The thought of Zoro wrapping presents for everyone was actually quite sweet, even if he sucked at it.

Sanji was unable to help a chuckle at the mental image, carefully picking at the tape on one of his gifts from ‘Santa’. There was so much of it on this one that it was more tape than paper – as if Zoro had gotten frustrated and just used an entire roll on it when it had ripped too much. His fingers ached when he finally got it open, the paper unfurling to reveal a tie with a Christmas tree pattern on it.

Without hesitation, Sanji did up the top button of his shirt and wrapped the tie around his neck, knotting it as he would usually and allowing it to dangle down over his jumper. If he wasn’t going to wear it now, then when was going to be a good time – next year? He didn’t want to wait that long, wanted to show it off proudly to the rest of the crew so Nami knew how much he appreciated it.

The rest of his gifts were to be expected: a few bits here and there for the kitchen, a new lighter and some clothing. Mostly just things he already used but Sanji was grateful anyway. He particularly liked the design on the lighter; sleek and black with a flame pattern up the side, probably bought because it reminded Nami of his legs. Though now that he thought about it, he wasn’t so sure it had been her decision: Zoro had been the one hanging around in the market for a long time when they’d been shopping, and this had definitely had a bow on it before he’d opened it…

Using it to light a cigarette, Sanji looked at the blue flame in interest. Whoever had picked this had been paying attention to his current lighter in either case, knew that he preferred hotter flames because they worked better even in the wind. It could have been a coincidence but now that Sanji thought about it, Zoro was the only one who had seen him get frustrated with matches and his older lighters…

Sanji looked back at the tree when he was surrounded by his opened gifts to notice a singular present still sitting underneath it. One with a bright green bow, soothing his unsettled feeling just a little. So Nami had gotten something for the swordsman, though Sanji couldn’t tell what it was. Now that he was looking at it, it seemed oddly lumpy and wrapped in more layers than anyone else’s. it also looked pretty heavy, making Sanji’s heart sink a little as he figured out that it had to be a pile of coal.

An amusing prank for sure and one he would have done himself, but not very fair now that Sanji had realised how much effort Zoro had put into this. If he’d gotten some other gifts too it would be fine, but as it sat there under the tree by itself it just felt very cruel.

Perhaps that was part of the joke – perhaps Nami did have other presents for Zoro but was hiding them out of sight to tease him? It was wishful thinking but Sanji hoped that was the case. Of course, he couldn’t leave things like that just in case he was wrong; Sanji cursing to himself for not putting more time aside to find Zoro something special himself.

With all the stress of sorting everyone else out, it had completely slipped his mind. Too distracted by Christmas preparation along with fighting to remember to get Zoro a gift.

Getting up from his place on the floor, Sanji quickly grabbed his own presents and made his way back to the galley. Maybe they had a good bottle of booze in there somewhere? It wouldn’t be much but it was something at least.

As he laid his gifts on the table – intending to find homes for them later – Sanji looked around the room in annoyance. There were a few bottles of sake on the rack but nothing special. Nothing that Zoro didn’t usually get to drink, barely worth calling a present though he’d normally fight the swordsman whenever he wanted to have one. Would it really be enough to just let him have a few without complaint? It just didn’t seem like enough on its own.

Sanji sighed as he pulled two from the rack, putting them on the table. He didn’t have anything to wrap them in and though he knew Zoro wouldn’t care much about that, presentation was important to him. The swordsman could wear the same shit for months on end but he just wasn’t like that – the appearance of something mattered, even if it wasn’t appreciated.

He ran his hand through his hair as he tried to think of what to do to make this feel a little better. If he snooped around long enough then he’d probably be able to find the rest of that green ribbon Nami had bought… that’d be a good start. But what else could he—

As an idea came to mind, Sanji grinned. It wasn’t going to be perfect but it was better than nothing.

\--

Drinks in a sack – tied with ribbon he’d found in the library – Sanji adjusted the costume he’d put on as he looked at the ladder to the training room. He was grateful the others were still on the deck, having snuck out the side door from the galley and around the back where he wouldn’t be seen.

This was risky in more ways than one. If he’d been collared in this getup he’d never have been able to get here, would have likely been roped into hanging out with everyone else for many hours afterwards. There wasn’t time for that now.

Taking a breath to calm himself, Sanji began climbing the ladder. The nerve-wracking part of this was over now; all he had to do was hand these to the swordsman. Obviously tease him about being anti-social and a moron for being up here when he should have been resting as well. He should have at least come onto the deck to have dinner, even if he thought Christmas was kind of stupid.

When Sanji popped his head up over the ladder hole, Zoro was exactly as he’d expected him. Shirtless and sweating, his bandages a bit bloody from his wounds reopening for what felt like the millionth time. Clicking his tongue, the cook climbed into the room and swung his sack back over his shoulder, relieved he’d thought to bring some medical supplies up here too. At least he could save Chopper the frustration of dealing with the musclehead on his damned birthday.

“Oi, shouldn’t you be resting or down with the others?” Sanji teased, unable to keep the slight annoyance out of his tone. “You’ll make Chopper mad.”

Zoro turned his head to look back at him, continuing to swing his weight despite being caught red-handed. His mouth was open like he had been about to grumble a response but he stopped after a moment, his arms freezing in place as he took in what Sanji was wearing.

Since he was delivering presents on Christmas day, Sanji had thought it only appropriate to don the same Santa costume that Nami had forced Zoro to wear. Sure, it was a little baggier on him than it was on the swordsman, but Sanji didn’t think it looked all that bad. At least they were similar in height and the trousers were long enough for his legs. He was even wearing glasses too; not the shades that Zoro had worn but a normal pair he kept around for such occasions.

“What’re you doing, love-cook? Did Nami and Robin refuse to sit on your lap or something?” Zoro scoffed, putting down the weight to grab a towel and dab at his head with it. Sanji thought he could see a hint of a smirk at the edges of his mouth.

“Don’t know what you’re talking about,” Sanji replied, using his spare hand to rub at the fake beard. Deepening his voice in the same way Zoro had, hoping he’d play along at least a little bit. “I’m Santa and I came here just for you, you ungrateful moss.”

Zoro grinned as he wiped away his sweat, looking Sanji up and down in amusement.

“Didn’t think you wasted your time on non-believers.” Zoro moved to sit on the bench, his legs spread wide like usual. “Nami ask you to bring me that coal or what?”

For a moment Sanji was surprised that he knew but then realised she’d have made him carry it on top of everything. Probably had him there when she bought it too, likely just telling him outright that it was for him. The absolute look of calm on Zoro’s face just made Sanji feel worse about the whole thing – he’d worked hard on this even knowing that was going to be his reward…?

Sometimes he wondered how the hell Zoro managed to put up with this shit.

“No.” Sanji walked right up to Zoro and sat next to him, putting the sack on the floor by his feet. As Zoro’s eyebrow raised at him, Sanji steeled himself and patted his own lap. “Why don’t you sit here and find out what I brought you?”

Though he’d found the whole thing hilarious when Zoro had to do it, Sanji wasn’t feeling embarrassed about this at all. After everything that had happened so far he actually felt guilty, though he knew it wasn’t his fault. Everyone else had had a turn on Santa’s lap, right? This was only fair.

Zoro looked at him incredulously, seeming like he was trying to figure out what to do. Sanji half-expected him to refuse, half-expected him to grab him by the hips and yank him onto his own lap instead. That was the sort of thing he usually did; turn the tables on him out of the blue and leave him feeling stupid afterwards. It wouldn’t be weird to get either response, Sanji waiting in discomfort for whichever it turned out to be.

There was a sigh before Zoro shrugged and got off the bench, seeming annoyed with his antics and unwilling to participate. Ah, so it really would be the refusal this time.

Sanji watched as Zoro scratched at the back of his head, the cook closing his eyes and letting out a sigh of his own. Though Zoro always bitched at him for being uncooperative he was no better himself – always fighting Sanji on the things he wanted to do, no matter how innocuous they were. Sometimes he’d even argue over just putting on a damn shirt—

As a heavy weight landed in his lap, Sanji’s eyes snapped back open.

He was met with the disgruntled expression he was used to seeing, his vision practically filled with Zoro’s bare chest though the swordsman’s arms were crossed over it. There was the faintest redness in the swordsman’s cheeks as Zoro looked away from him, out into the room though Sanji could still see his face.

Holy shit, so the bastard did have a sense of humour still lingering inside him!

Thrilled by Zoro playing along, Sanji reached to hold onto his back with one of his arms, grinning widely despite himself. He almost couldn’t believe it.

“That’s it,” Sanji patted Zoro’s spine idly as he turned his head to try and get a better view of Zoro’s face. “Didn’t think you had it in you, marimo-kun!”

Zoro’s head snapped back to his almost immediately, displeasure written across it. Clearly uncomfortable, ready to stop this if Sanji dragged it out and tried to tease him too much about it. Sanji recognised that look, knew better than to push his luck right now though he really wanted to.

“Ahem.” Sanji cleared his throat and reached down to grab the sack, dumping it on the bench next to himself. “The green-haired Santa might have gotten you coal but I brought you something better.” Fumbling to open it, Sanji shoved a hand in and pulled out one of the bottles, holding it out to Zoro with caution. “Can you guess what it is?”

Okay, maybe one more joke. Mostly at his own expense. Sort of.

Zoro reached for it and took it from him without a word, holding it by the neck and rolling it around in his grip. Like he was examining it intently, as though he were checking it hadn’t been messed with.

“…No idea.” Sanji would have bristled at the blank expression on Zoro’s face if he hadn’t heard the amusement in his tone, giving him away immediately. The swordsman turned his head to look back at him, Sanji noticing the twitching of his lips that seemed like he wanted to crack a smile. “Guess I’ll have to open it to find out, huh?”

Resisting the urge to burst into laughter, Sanji just nodded his head and covered his mouth with his other hand. The beard probably hid most of his face but he couldn’t help himself; endlessly entertained now that Zoro was making an attempt. Failing but making one nonetheless.

Zoro tugged the bow away slowly, partly making a show of it. Likely for Sanji’s benefit though more likely just to prove a point. As it fell away, Zoro let out a mock gasp.

“Wow, sake! I never would have guessed!”

Sanji was torn between pushing him off his lap and telling him to fuck off or breaking out into laughter at how stupid this all was. Instead he did neither; surprising himself by going quiet.

“…Sorry it’s not much. I, uh, have another if you want it.” Sanji found himself mumbling as he lowered his gaze, the guilt from earlier coming back in full force. First Zoro had been forced to go along with Nami’s whims and now Sanji was doing it to him too? It just didn’t seem fair. “Meant to get you something else but it slipped my mind.”

“Hmm, that’s no good.” The mirth was gone from Zoro’s voice now, just making Sanji feel worse. At this point he was certain that the swordsman had gotten him the lighter, could almost taste the disappointment that he’d forgotten to get him a gift though he wasn’t sure if it was coming from Zoro or from himself. “How’re you gonna make it up to me, hm?”

Sanji couldn’t lift his head. Wasn’t sure what he’d see if he did, didn’t want to make it any more uncomfortable than it already was. He’d been so sure that this would be fun but Zoro playing along with him had just made him realise he wasn’t thinking it through properly. What good was it going to do to cheer himself up when the intention was to do something for Zoro instead?

Worse still, he wasn’t sure what to get him for a gift even now.

Clothes were pointless, booze was barely a present since he got to drink it all the time… what else was there to consider? If Sanji was honest he couldn’t think of a single thing that Zoro would like. Perhaps that was why Nami hadn’t seemed to get him anything – it felt impossible to decide on something. Nothing seemed to fit.

“…What do you want?”

Though it felt like a cop-out, all Sanji could do was ask. Leave the decision to the swordsman since he’d screwed things up this much already.

“A sexier Santa would be a good start.” Zoro murmured, placing the sake bottle on the floor and pulling Sanji’s fake beard and glasses off in one motion. As the cook blinked and looked back at him, he felt a flush of embarrassment at the look on Zoro’s face – one he recognised all too well. “That’s better,” Zoro pressed both of his hands to Sanji’s cheeks, squishing his face together. “Not into old men, y’know.”

Normally Sanji would have been annoyed by the pressure on his face but he let it go this time. He knew Zoro was trying to lighten the mood again, felt it was only right to play along with him and see where this all went. Push aside his own guilt and let Zoro have his fun, like he’d intended from the start.

“Hmm, what are you into then?” Sanji teased, though his voice was a little flatter than he’d intended it to be. Zoro wasn’t really ‘into’ anything, at least, not in the way they were talking about it. Hadn’t really had much interest in this sort of thing before, didn’t seem to put any focus on the subject unless Sanji himself was involved.

Zoro’s gaze shifted as his left hand started playing with Sanji’s hair, twirling a lock of it around his index finger.

“Why don’t I show you?”

As the swordsman started kissing him, Sanji wrapped his arms around Zoro’s neck. This wasn’t what he’d planning on with this whole charade but he wasn’t going to refuse him. Afterwards he’d tell Zoro he was an idiot and drag him downstairs for food, make him go onto the deck and spend time with everyone else like he should have been doing. Allow everyone to have the time together, celebrate Chopper’s birthday as the family that they were.

But for now, he was going to let Zoro do anything he wanted. Not complain about a single thing and go along with whatever it was that the swordsman would ask of him, even if it was stupid. Though he hadn’t managed to find a suitable gift, the least he could do was this.

Everyone deserved a Christmas present, after all.


End file.
